The Search for Meaning (Episode #3)

TRANSCRIPT:

Do you ever wonder what the meaning of life is? Wait, that’s probably too deep to start with. What I mean is - or perhaps I’m looking for reassurance that it’s not only me - when you look at a huge tree with its vast trunk, and bountiful leaves and you suddenly remember that it grew from a tiny seed that would fit on the very end of your finger tip. Or when you look at a tall building, soaring high into the sky with its many floors, and marvel at how all that weight on each floor doesn’t just collapse the building. Or looking at a fellow human and your mind is blown when you realise they were a tiny baby when they were first born and beneath the skin a mess of liquids and electrical impulses. 

Life, in all its forms, is mesmerising, mind-blowing, awe-inspiring, and utterly magical. 

But the world as we know it - of its beauty and flaws, is created almost entirely by our mind. Which is exactly why the phrase ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ is such an interesting statement. The fact that the world, or more specifically our perception of what we see is created by our mind is precisely why there is conflict of opinion. But actions and insight must go hand in hand. We may have deep aspirations toward the future; dreams, aspirations, goals - but how are we living in this moment, right now, to support the future we would like to create? At work and at home, what culture are you actively helping to create?

Hello everyone, my name is Jez Rose, and welcome to episode 3 of ‘do it different, my new podcast exploring how we discover the best version of ourselves’.

The meaning of life for many is simply to enjoy every moment. After all, there’s no guarantee of a tomorrow. Ask 10 people what the meaning of life is and you’ll likely get several different answers: to make a difference, to help others, to leave the world better than how you found it, to reach the top, to succeed in every endeavour

So, what is the meaning of life? Well, the meaning to you may well be different to what I feel the meaning is, and that’s the point: there is no one meaning of life because life is what our brains make it to be. And so the unanswerable question changes position to something much more interesting and useful: how do live a meaningful life?

It starts, just as our understanding of the world does, with our own perception because when we accept we have control, we stop seeking meaning in external factors. There’s no need to yearn for the latest iPhone, or an expensive car, or a Gucci watch to get meaning because all of those things are meaning-less. A PhD or starting your own business aren’t meaningful either. They are accolades to collect: external things we seek because our brain is programmed to collect. Our species collects things: food, money, status, for survival, and it always has done. Entirely necessary once, don’t get me wrong, - and by once I mean in the early stages of human development, but arguably not at all any more. I don’t need a PhD to be a king person or to make a difference. I don’t need an expensive watch to make me good at my job. And I certainly don’t need the latest iPhone to make me happy. All around us, littered throughout our lives are things without meaning, and hearts and minds yearning for more meaning: for substance, for their lives to feel better, or different, or more purposeful - or just not to be how they are. Instead of looking inwards, we by habit look externally: what can I buy to fix things or change things. After a while we realise that what we’ve been doing isn’t working and we find ourselves at a place where, even if we can’t quite put our finger on it, life just doesn’t quite feel right.

Listener Victoria sent in this question, which I think sums up the need for meaning really well.

My name is Victoria and I am a 34 year old sty at home Mum to my 4 year old son. I have struggled with change my entire life, probably more than the average person. Before my son was born I worked as a neurosurgical operating room nurse. As you can imagine becoming a parent is the change of a lifetime and boy was I unprepared. My husband and I had a lot of curve balls thrown at us and as much as I love my son and appreciate that I am able to stay home with him full time, these last three years have been the hardest of my life. I often find myself wrestling with my thoughts which are equal parts 'things will be better when', and ' I need to savour this moment or I will regret it'. I try to tell myself 'don't think about tomorrow, focus on right now' but it's so, so hard. I often feel unsettled and would love to learn how to feel to just be. How can I get to a place of peace and acceptance not only as a Mum, but as myself? What are some small changes I can put into practice to help me be more present and live just for today. Honestly I'm looking to just be peaceful and just feel 'ok, this is my life and I want to be happy.' Thank you so much, your insight would truly mean the world.

Thank you, Victoria. You’re right, life is hard, and we don’t talk about that enough. There’s been a real movement since social media has really taken off to whitewash lives; to almost over-inspire people to live beautiful, perfect lives. But suffering is an important part of living because we learn most from suffering - it goes hand in hand with love and compassion. Part of life having meaning for us is feeling like we have something we can enjoy from it. It’s not a case of being selfish because you can’t pour from an empty cup: we need things to fuel us. We need our core needs, met. And what Victoria quite rightly points out is that the real work happens when we change but many of us aren’t great with change. When life has meaning, we can better embrace change because we both understand and appreciate that everything is changing all the time. Impermanence is a lesson we aren’t taught in school, and it’s a skill most adults don’t possess. Instead we engineer environments where things can stay the same. But life doesn’t. From the moment we are born, our bodies are on a single trajectory and are simultaneously growing and dying. When the biological growing stops, we are all, slowly dying. Sometimes the choices we make mean we change along with them: a new cook book that changes what we eat; a spontaneous new outfit seen in the shop window. But more often than not changes are forced upon us: an alternative route to work because of a road closure; changing the way we use our phone because of a software update, finding alternative ways to pay because your card was declined as happened to me today at the supermarket. We are changing all the time but we adapt so well, most of those changes go unnoticed. Change is entirely unavoidable, and nothing stays the same. Ever. Nothing. There’s no work-around here, it’s total acceptance to be at peace with it, even though it’s uncomfortable. I , too, Victoria, hated change - I’m still working on it. I’m a creature of habit. But the reasons we’re like that are normally because of other influences, sometimes childhood. We hold onto the things we can control because of perhaps unstable environments or unstable relationships, or loss early on in life. But we have to stop. We must accept that the one surety in life, is that change happens all the time.

So, back to your question: How can we be more present and live for today? What a wonderful question! It begins with embracing and accepting and trusting. IE, not controlling change. Accept changes, and learn to spot them and if not love them then acknowledge them and try to be more at peace with them. Ensure that every day you’re doing something for you; something fulfilling that you love, and be present for every moment of it. Engineer how to protect that moment by turning off your phone, or taking yourself somewhere you won’t be distributed, for example. Build up the moments of enjoyment that you can curate. But here’s the big piece of advice. The one that changed my own life. Being present for today and living in the right now is a mindset shift - it is in understanding that we’re not getting any of this back. Whatever anyone takes away from me; my house, possessions, salary, no one can take away my happiness because that is in every breath I take; in knowing many didn’t wake up this morning and get this opportunity and one day it will be my turn and I don’t know when that will be. So, for now, I get to do this. I get to take a deep breath and feel almost tearfully emotional because I am here. 

My life has meaning if I want it to. And so does yours. A meaningful life begins with us, and slowly expands out to include the work we do, the impact we make, the ones we love etc etc. But it starts and ends with us.

Please do subscribe to the podcast and take 30 seconds to rate and leave a little review. I’d be very grateful. This podcast is sponsored by - no one at all! If you’d like to reach people with a message, email media@thatjezrose.com to discover sponsorship opportunities with this global podcast and my Wednesday Weekly email. 

I’ll see you next week.